


Choose ME

by ty_madison



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Smut, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-31 22:07:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17857841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ty_madison/pseuds/ty_madison
Summary: Sonny was one of the few people born without marks, but stuck with nothing but grey to see. All he wanted was to meet his soulmate but no one would be right. Then he meets ADA Barba. And it almost wouldn't matter if they weren't soulmates, but first he needs Barba to actually want him.(Edited: Ending changed to clear up missed details)





	Choose ME

Sonny felt this was the last way for him to find his soulmate. He was one of the few people out there who just hadn’t yet. No words, no feeling of being whole; just the bland grey life of second soulmates. Most people were matched between birth and age fifteen, but here Sonny was at age twenty-nine with no match out there. And his mother was always telling him just to find a nice woman or man, to settle down with and not to get so hung up on this soulmate business. Give her a grandchild, just make himself happy.

But he couldn’t. He was a romantic in the worst way. 

Couldn’t marry anyone who didn’t help him see colour. 

So he went into the precinct a day early, telling the Sargent that he had heard about the shooting and felt he would be better needed here. And even though she didn’t seem to understand why he was acting the way he did with the poor girl, he felt like he understood her. From what he could see she didn’t have a mark either. It made her more vulnerable, something he had only learnt in his past week of law school. 

And even though this was his personal last hope of finding somewhere to fit he tried as hard as he could to fit in, listen to what he was told. He was already learning more in the first day than he had in the months he had spent at other precincts, it was like they had expected him to know everything. 

Even with the looks he got from the other people there, he could tell they weren’t sure about him. It may have been the way he looked, maybe because they could tell he was struggling with understanding how he was talking to these girls and getting them to talk; when their soft mothering attempts didn’t work. 

Sonny found himself looking up at the sound of hard soled shoes made their way past him, towards Sargent Bensons office. He knew who the man was as he passed and his heart skipped a beat in a way it hadn’t since he had kissed Mary-Clare Russo for the first time. He knew he was ADA Rafael Barba, he had studied some of his cases and knew his professors would be impressed and jealous at his being able to work with him. 

So he found himself standing in the pen, looking at the case boards and he really hold be focused on the board. He really should have. But his eyes kept falling to the side to focus completely on the ADA who he hadn’t been able to introduce himself too. And even if it wasn’t for the fact he was very much attracted to this man it was the way he might be able to convince him to let him shadow and even go over his essays he wrote. 

He was sure as he had walked away he had felt eyes on him, and while he hoped it had been ones of longing he felt it just wasn’t. Not with they way Barba held himself. How he dressed and simply was. 

So he waited till the right time to introduce himself, it must have been months. Six maybe seven. Never once was he consulted for cases, not asked to get up on the stand. They always explained it away with him not being ready yet. But in that time he had taken it on himself to change the way he looked. The moustache went and he got a haircut, much to the grateful looks his mom gave him when he turned up for Sunday lunch.

Soon he had bought himself a few new suits, ones that he was told fit better and actually looked good on him. No more old suits from when he had been a student the first time and had stress ate, so much his mom said she wouldn’t have to feed him anymore. Which for his mother to say had him spending the next few years shedding the weight, till she started complaining he was getting too skinny again. 

It was early afternoon on a Thursday and while he had noticed Barba going into see Benson, and dealt with the slight teasing coming from Amanda, he hadn’t really noticed the door open or the sound of footsteps across the cheap linoleum. Sonny had never wanted to make sure he had the the paperwork filled in so perfectly in his life. This case had been difficult for many reasons and he didn’t want a single thing to make it explode in on itself. 

“Detective Dominick Carisi?” Barba spoke, “I hear you are finally going to be going on the stand.”

And Sonny knew his eyes widened. He could see Amanda laughing silently behind her handed waggling her eyebrows at him. So he turned slowly to look up at Barba and instead of saying one of the many things he had planned to over the time he had thought about it. He said what he told everyone, “Call me Sonny.” then beamed, dimples in full. “Yeah, Sarg thinks I’m ready.”

He saw the slight frown on Barba’s face and the way his hand seemed to touch his collarbone without him thinking. 

The frown deepened slightly, “Quite.” Barba breathed slowly out his nose, “At least you no longer look like an ambulance chaser or a perp dragged in off the street.” A slight quirk of his lip had Sonny quickly realise he was being teased. So he gave back as good.

Hand over his heart, “I’m insulted. I haven’t even sat the Bar yet and you are telling me I’m going to be an ambulance chaser.”

“The Bar?” And even with the question Barba looked vaguely interested. 

Pushing his sleeves up again, he nodded. “Uh yeah. Night school, Fordham Law.”

A nod and Barba began to walk away, saying over his shoulder. “Meet me at my office in an hour, I’ll provide lunch if you haven’t eaten.” 

The he was gone and Sonny felt he could actually breathe, his eyes darted to Amanda and she was looking right at him her eyes wider than normal. And he felt something different had happened, but before he could ask Benson was popping her head round the door, eyebrows raise in a question. Moving quickly he went to her office and explained what was going on. 

——————

After that first time spending an afternoon just going through the case with Barba, having both lunch and dinner with him. Sonny could feel he was falling for the man. And for the first time he couldn’t bring himself to care if they weren’t soulmates, he was willing to wait because he would be happy if they were only friends. 

It was another year of him helping with cases, being able to shadow him and bringing him over the files personally; if only so they could have a quick conversation. It was having dinners together while Sonny did work on his degree and Barba worked on cases, even if Barba refused to call him a friend it obviously made him feel less lonely in the world. 

Amanda would often tease him about all the time he would spend with Barba, hw he looked like a little lost puppy following him around and simply tripping over himself just to get even an exasperated look thrown in his direction. 

It was difficult with Nick around, he didn’t seem to like Sonny at all and Sonny himself knew that he did rub some people up the wrong way. He was loud, opinionated and very very Staten Island. Even Amanda had admitted that even if their friendship was a quick formed one, it took her a while to realise what annoyed people about him was what made him a great person. 

——————

A hard case found them all at a bar. Amanda and Benson were drinking beer and laughing at all the woman trying to chat up Nick every time he went up to the bar to get another round of drinks for people at the table. Sonny tipped his head back, staring at the dark roof and imaging that this was almost exactly how he had planned his life to be like. 

Jumping slightly when Fin let out a particularly loud laugh, he focused completely on Nick trying to make his way to the table while being followed by a particularly fond admirer. Her body hanging off of his while he tried not to drop the tray of drinks. 

The tray slid onto the table and spilled slightly over Sonnys trousers, which had him jump up at the cold splash of beer. Looking up and staring at the girl, who was just covering her mouth with her hand giggling like it was the funniest thing. He frowned, pushed himself out of the booth they were in and walking over the sticky floor. 

Standing in the bathroom trying to soak most of the beer out of his trousers, knowing that it wasn’t visible but he just had to get comfortable. It was the first time he had spent time with the whole team together outside of his occasional meals he threw. It was wishful thinking when he had asked Barba if he would come. 

It was the look he got and he didn’t push it. But they had already been there long enough for everyone to be two drinks in and he hadn’t turned up. 

No matter how much he dabbed at his trousers the wet feeling seemed to cling to him from his briefs. A quick roll of the eyes and he was standing in the only stall, it wasn’t as disgusting as he had expected so he quickly stripped off his boxers. Leaving them in a pile on the floor and making his way back out. 

Sonny sat down, grabbed his bottle and took a long drink. Not paying attention to the fact he was now closer to the edge of the booth than before, but thought maybe the girl had ended up pressed in next to Nick. But he looked up and instead of meeting eyes with Amanda he saw Barba right there. Eyebrow raised, hand clutching a glass filled with ice and some liquid. 

“Hey! Nice of you to come Councillor!” he smiled like always did, even if the two drinks had loosened him up a little. 

They spent the next half hour drinking and talking, but it was finally Sonnys turn to buy so up he went tray held under his arm. The bartender flirted a little with him, a light grey coloured mark along his jaw. He touched Sonnys hand as he took the money and Sonny could tell it wasn’t for anything more than a possible hookup after doors closed. Sonny said he wasn’t interested and smiled, saying maybe another time though. And the bartender, call me Rick, had smiled and leaned in close to mutter he would hold him to it. 

Walking back to the table shaking his head slightly, he felt a few eyes locked on him. Like they were unsure of what had just happened, if they should comment on it or not. But none of them did, just looked like they were scared Sonny was going to say something. 

Soon conversation picked up and somehow Soulmates came up. Benson talking about how she had met her soulmate and it turned out like some were they were purely platonic soulmates. The trust and love was there but neither of them felt like their relationship could go any further than that, it just wasn’t for them. 

The others all talked brightly about theirs, Amanda about how they were trying to make it work with the distance and the jobs they had, Fin simply saying that he and his just hadn’t worked out. Didn’t explain why nor would he. 

It was when eyes focused on him and Nick said off-handedly, “I was surprised when I didn’t see you were married Carisi. I expected you to have met your soulmate and marry them straight away and be surrounded by twenty kids.” His voice was light and obviously making a joke. One he had heard before from others, but somehow it hit harder this time. 

He could feel his body tense up and felt it was no or never. “I don’t have words.” And at that all eyes were on him, as if they hadn’t ever expected that for him. “I…” he took a deep breath and finished his beer, “I need a stronger drink.” He stood up swiftly and walked towards the bar. 

Standing looking at the harder stuff behind the bar, deciding if a shot of vodka was okay in this situation. A large warm hand touched his mid-back. And before he could speak, Barba had ordered them two Scotches. And it wasn’t the cheep stuff, Rick looked pointedly at him and smirked. Getting the drinks and leaving them be. 

He drank slowly feeling like shooting the stuff wouldn’t be respectful of the drink. And it burned even with the small sip he took, he pushed the few stray hairs that had fallen down and turned to Barba. “You didn’t have to get me this Councillor.” He breathed and was mildly confused how it was much quieter next to the bar. “I got used to being like this, seeing the world in grey.” He chuckled and turned to face Barba properly, “Although I will say I do feel sad I never get to see the colours of your ties. I hear you dress snappily.”

The snort that came from Barba, had Sonny smile widely. And while they stood there, just talking about nonsense Sonny started to feel the tension leave his body, and over the next hour the other would walk over and tell them they were leaving. 

A second drink and Sonny felt completely different like he wasn’t drinking with someone he knew and more like it was with a good friend who knew how to pull him out of a rut. So when Barba asked him if he would rather take this drink somewhere easier for them to talk, he nodded and followed him outside. 

The cool air outside had him stumble a little to pull his coat tighter round himself, and knowing where they were he suggested they just go to his it was only a few blocks away and would be cheaper for both of them. So calling a Lyft and making it his apartment in under fifteen minutes. 

Once they made it into his apartment, Sonny felt comfortable enough to strip off some of his suit. Vest and tie gone, shirt unbuttoned over his undershirt; and he then looked at Barba who was simply staring at him unsure of what he should do. “Get comfortable Barba. We don’t have a dress code here.” He smiled widely like he always did when teasing Barba and watched the man huffed out a laugh and removed his coat and tie; only undoing two buttons on his shirt and rolling up his sleeves. 

And sadly it made Sonnys mouth dry up completely and to stop himself from stuttering something out he walked over to the fridge and pulled out his best vodka. The one he drank when he had completed a particularly hard case or simple just needed it. Grabbing two unmatched glasses and sitting down on the couch; pushing a few of his law textbooks out of the way. 

The glasses clinked as he put them down and poured the freezer cold vodka in. They both clinked glasses and took a sip, it burned. But not in the way cheap vodka did, it was smooth and it would help loosen their tongues. 

“You never asked me about my soulmate?” Barba muttered, leaning back against the arm of the couch. And Sonny hadn’t. He was fine not knowing if Barba had someone to go home to or if he was like him. He was happy in his little bubble of unrequited love. “He died not even six months after we met.” 

And while his face voice were calm, Sonny could just feel the pain that he felt. It must be worse than never having one, to think you finally had your other half and for them to just be gone. “Can’t imagine what thats like.” Sonny murmured into his glass and took a long drink. He didn’t know what else to say and whatever he said made Barba smile a little. 

It was quiet for a little and they both drank a little more, “Didn’t even get to love him fully. Never knew him half as well as I should.” Barba kept talking like he had never talked about it before, “I had to talk at his funeral and it was obvious to everyone there while we would be good together we didn’t know each other.” And he huffed out a laugh, “Not even a week after he was buried the words were so pale you could barely read them and I had new ones.”

“What’s it been like for you?” Barba spoke as he poured himself more vodka. 

Nodding slowly and running a hand through his now looser hair, feeling the tacky gel stick to his fingers. “Difficult I guess. I grew up in a family where everyone has their soulmates. Even my cousins who are Priests, they have theirs.” he sighed, leaning back and feeling his shirt pull out of his trousers. “I almost felt like a failure, thought about going into the Priesthood when I was younger. But the thought of my soulmate loosing their second chance was too much.” He laughed and looked Barba right in the eye, “Also I think my mum would die if all her kids didn’t give her at least four grandkids each.”

Barba nodded and placed his drink down, untouched since he had refilled it. 

His hand lay on Sonnys knee and squeezed. Then pulled back and he started to unbutton his shirt, each button had Sonnys eyes locked on them. He could hear his own breathing pick up, this would be enough mental fodder for the rest of time; he could get a better idea of the body under that shirt. The colour of skin. 

Then his eyes were dragged to where Barba’s hand was, he could see the faintest mark. Darting up to look at his face and then back down, “‘Want a free ticket to the Opera?’ It was it. Thats all he said and I was confused because I couldn’t see how it would work.” He sighs and pulls the sleeve back up, “We really didn’t work together, it was like something was wrong. But we tried because fate can’t be wrong.” 

And Sonny couldn’t help the jealously that flared up in his chest, but then it stopped, so suddenly, because he said he had new words. It reminded him of that first day when he had watched Barba touch his collarbone without thinking, with a frown that didn’t fit in the situation. 

“Your new wor…” he started but Barba held up a hand. Shook his head and took a deep breath. 

His hand moved to his collarbone, touched it so gently under the white of his shirt and he smiled. “Call me Sonny.” then he laughed, “I tried to push back. Do you know how hard I tried to not have feelings to not invite you for lunch and dinner.” His smile was soft and slightly twisted, “I couldn’t believe that I could be matched with someone like you.” the words burned, like Barba simply did not want him, “You are so much younger. Fifteen years younger and all I could think was we can’t have anything in common.” 

“But we do.” Sonny whispered, moving on the couch. His hand resting on the back and the other pushing his hair back again, looking Barba right in the eyes. Blue and green. 

Leaning forward he pressed his lips against Barba’s for only a second before pulling back, looking down to see if he had done the wrong thing. And it wasn’t because a hand was in his hair pulling him forward and kissing hims again. 

It was hot and all he could taste was vodka. Lips and teeth were in play and he honestly could not stop if he wanted to right then. But it just wasn’t easy to kiss this way, the angle was wrong and he was sure one wrong move and he would be head butting Barba. 

The pulling back was hard, the hand slipped to the back of his neck trying to pull him back down but he was able to mumble against the soft touch of Barba’s lips that he need to move. Needed to be more comfortable. So he pulled back and Barba sat leaning back against the sofa and Sonny smiled. Swung a leg over and let himself be pulled back in my his neck and hip. 

The heat of the hands on him had him grasping tightly onto the open collar of Barba’s shirt, feeling the smooth silk and the warmth of his body between his thighs. They kept kissing. Tongues licking against each others and teeth were pulling on his lip, making him shudder with every pleasure filled second. A hand sliding up under his shirt had him freeze for only a second, which let his SVU cop brain start up. 

So he pulled back and pressed his forehead into Barba’s neck. Breathing heavily and feeling the throb of his cock against the rough zip of his trousers, it was distracting in the worst possible way. 

Huffing out a hot breath, “We can’t do this tonight.” A shiver ran through his body as the hand dragged slowly down his spine to rest on his hip, “I can’t have you regret it in the morning.” 

The breathy laughter tickled his ear and had him shivering. 

“I won’t but we can wait.” Barba spoke, gentle with his touches. “Should I go?” 

And Sonny shook his head, standing up slowly and blushed when Barba’s eyes fell to his obvious arousal. Turning he dropped his shirt and started walking to the bed. Hoping he would get the idea to follow. A hand brushing his hip as he undid his pants and went to drop them. The sound of sucked in breath had Sonny looking down and a blush going from his face down his chest. 

Sweatpants were quickly pulled on and he fell face first down on the bed. Feeling as Barba sat down next to him and hand gently ran through his hair. “Didn’t expect that.” but he could hear the smile in his voice and felt himself flag simply from the embarrassment. So he crawled up the bed and wiggled down under the covers. And felt the warmth of Barba crawling in behind him and an arm wrap round his waist. 

It should have taken him longer to fall sleep, but alcohol always had its way of making him fall asleep the minute his head hit the pillow. 

——————

Sun hitting him fully across the face, had him groaning and rolling over into a very warm pillow. But it took a full second for him to realise who was in bed with him. So he looked up and saw Barba there, slack jawed and his face completely free of frowns. 

It was something else. 

Then eyes blinked open and looked at him. A startled laugh fell from his lips and a hand brushed through his hair, which had to look like it had been dragged through bushes backwards. But all he could do was lean up and press his lips to Barba’s. 

It was much to quick when he found himself rolled on his back and Barba between his legs. He felt completely claimed by him, the way he had his hands pinned above his head and they way his mouth simply took and gave what was completely perfect in that moment. It was the shift of hips against each other. Thin boxers against the thick material of Sonnys sweatpants was maddening, he had to get them off. 

“Barba I want them off.” He panted into his open mouth. Wiggling his lower half to give him a better idea of what he wanted. And the smirk that was turned on him made his whole body shake and then the cold feeling of Barba backing off. 

His shirt was pushed up and off. Then lips were there on his chest, sucking and biting. Making him curve his spine up to further press against his mouth a quick nip and Barba looked down at him, “It’s Rafael in bed Sonny.” He whispered, taking a nipple into his mouth a sucking roughly and Sonny couldn’t stop the noises coming from his throat or the way his hips bucked. 

He could tell that he was going to explode at any moment but, he just couldn’t let himself. A hand threaded in Rafael’s hair pulling him up to his mouth and he wiggled his hips again, his other hands trying to pull down the sweatpants.

Raf smiled against Sonnys lips and pulled them down. They were off in a second and a groan fell from Sonnys lips as he finally felt him through the thin layer of boxers. He wrapped a leg round his hips and started to help pull him down harder, feeling the blurts of pre-cum against his own belly. Knowing that it would last long now. 

But what he didn’t expect was the dry drag of a finger over his opening, it had him shuddering at the simple though of Raf being in him and he must of said so much because he was left laying there. As Raf dug though the drawer next to bed. Coming back with a very well used bottle of lube. 

The sound of the cap opening had him shudder. The slick sound of fingers being covered. The whisper of sheets moving under their bodies. And finally that first proper touch. The sound that he made was something of a gasp and Raf seemed to just groan at the idea. 

“Relax for me.” Was breathed into his skin, “Relax for me Sonny.” And his leg seemed to have life of its own, wrapping round Raf’s waist and tugging him closer to his body. The finger just rubber against him, getting him used to the feeling of fingers down there; but all he was getting was frustrated. 

He tugged at Raf’s hair and thats when the finger slipped in, only a little and ever so slow. And it was slow with every push and pull, with every finger added. It drove Sonny up the wall, he was clutching to the sheets and trying to pull Raf further in. Trying to get him to speed up, begging for him to get faster and harder. 

But the smirk on Rafael’s lips never left. It was obviously something he loved, getting Sonny this worked up but never letting him fully go over the edge. 

It was when Sonny felt like he was going to cry from how he was feeling it suddenly happened. Everything changed the speed and how his prostate was now being hit repeatedly and his world seemed to explode. 

Colours were everywhere. But all he could focus on was the bright green of the eyes locked with his. 

When he could actually breath he looked and saw Raf was touching himself still between his legs. Seemingly looking at the mess that Sonny had become under his hand, so Sonny couldn’t have that and pushed himself forward. 

His hand grasping Rafael and hearing the gasp fall from his lips as he slowly touched him. A hand gripped tightly at his hair again, pulling gently when he did the right thing. And like magic Sonny seemed to know what he wanted to more than anything. Wrapping his lips tightly round the head, he moved his fingers gently up and down. 

Sucking and groaning at the fact he finally could do this. Everything was perfect. He sucked down slowly, meeting his fingers and moving them out of the way. Swallowing seemed to be the end for Raf, and with a cut off choked Sonny he came. And Sonny tried to swallow but could feel cum dripping out of the corner of his mouth. Using his thumb to wipe what he missed and suck it into his mouth. 

He had to look recked, but Raf had this look on his face that showed he felt the same way. It was the low light of the morning he finally realised that it was grey anymore, his apartment was full of colour. Clashing colours at that. Sonny couldn’t be anything but excited, seeing actual colours for the first time was enchanting and migraine inducing all together. 

But finally knowing the true colour of the skin touching his, the eyes he had fallen in love with and the hair he wanted to never stop running his fingers through was fascinating. He finally realised he was going to have to learn the names of all colours than just calling them various shades of grey that he had learnt corresponded to certain colours. 

But right there stark black against the tan skin he was completely taken with was his first words to Raf, ‘Call me Sonny.’ and he knew that it was definitely what was meant to be. He was meant to be Rafael’s soulmate and he had fallen in love with this man even though he had no clue that they were made to be together. 

Minutes passed and so did the endorphins of sex and it had them both groaning. Vodka wasn’t the greatest idea and now they were going to pay for it.

Rafael finally spoke, “Don’t speak I don’t think I could take your accent in its full form, with the headache I have.” his voice was rough and sex tired. But the loud laugh that ripped from his still achy throat had Sonny digging his face into the crease of Rafael’s thigh and wishing he hadn’t magnified his own headache as much as he had.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first stab at this. Originally this wasn't going to have smut, but you know here we are. Um I would like the thank The Umbrella Academy soundtrack for getting me through this fic. 
> 
> Let me know what you think?


End file.
